Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
