Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize