The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
