Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize