Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
