my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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