God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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