I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
