if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
