so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
