tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize