worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
