i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
