google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
