I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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