In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i think my cat just said my name.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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