he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
