So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
