I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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