dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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