i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
