I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
