Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
