i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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