Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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