what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
