Someone shit on the floor
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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