I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
