Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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