alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
