A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
