Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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