home. puking in laundry basket.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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