What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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