my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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