I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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