Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
