allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
