She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
