Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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