Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize