Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
