So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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