and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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