Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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