her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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