Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
