I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
