We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
