Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
