you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
