guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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