dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
organizing the empties. That sober.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
