he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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