Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
