I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Blood and glitter go together right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
