my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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