If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
