You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
