I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
