o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
