im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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