I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
