Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
