I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
