the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
