when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
