How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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