Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i've created a new STD.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
