bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize