i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
