he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
