why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
