I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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