This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was like eating out sand paper
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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