Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
