the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
