Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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