soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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