using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
