He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
