I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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