I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
