I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize