Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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