At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
