How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
