and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
