I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
