Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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