He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
