I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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