i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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