imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize