in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
